#Snow

Watching the snowflakes falling from the sky can be enjoyable and it is nice to have a blanket of fresh snow on the lawn. Not so much on the driveway, especially when it begins to accumulate and get so deep you need snowshoes to walk on it.

Children love snow, because now they can build a snowman and make Snow Angels.

Snowmobilers also love their snow.

However, snow can also be a bit of a nuisance and drive a man literally crazy. Here is a little story about such a man. I don’t know who wrote this. I’ve had it for long time and when I read it for the first time I nearly killed myself laughing. Read it and enjoy it:

Warning: Coarse Language

Snow

Dec. 8              6 pm: It’s started to snow. The first of the season and the wife and I took our cocktails and sat by the window watching the soft flakes drif down over the area. It was BEAUTIFUL.

Dec. 9              We awoke to a big beautiful blanket of crystal white snow covering the landscape. What a fantastic sight! Every tree and shrub covered with a beautiful white mantle. I shoveled snow for the first time in years and loved it. I did both our driveway and our sidewalk. Later the snowplow came along and covered up our sidewalk with compacted snow from the street, so I shoveled it again.

Dec. 12            The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Oh well, I’m sure we will get some more before the lovely winter is through.

Dec. 14            It snowed 8 inches last night and the temperature dropped to 20 degrees below zero. Shoveled the driveway and the sidewalk again and the snowplow came by and did its trick again.

Dec. 15            Sold my van and bought a 4x4 Blazer so I can drive in the snow. Bought snow tires for wife’s car.

Dec. 16            Fell on my ass on the ice in the driveway. All that was hurt was my feelings.

Dec. 17            Still cold (below zero in the a.m.) and icy roads make for very toughdriving.

Dec. 20            Had another 14 inches of the white shit last night. More shoveling in store for me today. That goddamn snowplow came by twice.

Dec. 22            We are assured of a white Christmas because 13 more inches of the white shit fell today, and with this freezing weather it won’t melt till August. Got all dressed up to go out and shovel (boots, jumpsuit, heavy jacket, scarf, earmuffs, gloves, etc.) and then I got the urge to pee!!

Dec. 23            I was going to go ice fishing today, but my worms froze and I didn’t  want the fish to break their teeth on my bait.

Dec. 24            If I ever catch the son-of-a-bitch that drives that snowplow, I’ll drag him through the snow by the balls; I think he hides around the corner and waits for me to finish shoveling and then he comes down the street 100 miles an hour and throws snow all over what used to be my lawn.

Dec. 25            Merry Christmas! They predict 20 more inches of the fucking white stuff tonight. Do they know how many shovels full of snow 28 inches is? To hell with Santa, he doesn’t have to shovel that white shit. The snowplow driver came by asking for a donation; I hit him over the head with the snow shovel.

Dec. 26            We got 28 inches and then some. I must be going snow-blind or have a severe case of cabin fever, because the wife is beginning to look good to me.

Dec. 27            The toilet froze. If you go outside don’t eat the brown snow.

Dec. 28            I set fire to the house. Now that white shit won’t cling to the roof!!!