Hello -- I have questions!
Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety-one?
If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from
diarrhea...does that mean that one out of five enjoys it?
Why do croutons come in airtight packages?
Aren't they just stale bread to begin with?
If people from Poland
are called Poles, then why aren't people from Holland called Holes?
If a pig loses its voice, is it
disgruntled?
Why is a person who plays the piano called
a pianist, but a person who drives a racecar is not called a racist?
If it's true that we are here to help
others, then what exactly are the others here for?
If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen
defrocked, then
doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted,
cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners
depressed?
If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they
call it Fed UP?
Do Lipton Tea employees take 'coffee
breaks?'
What hair color do they put on the driver's
licenses of bald men?
Why do they put
pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write
to them? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the
mailmen can look for them while they deliver the mail?
Is it true that you never really learn to
swear until you learn to drive?
Whatever happened to Preparations A through
G ?
******
Why, Why, Why do we press harder on the remote control when we know
the batteries are getting weak?
Why do banks charge a fee due to
insufficient funds; when they already know you're broke?
Why is it that
when someone tells you that there are one billion stars in the universe you
believe them, but if they tell you there is wet paint you have to touch it to
check?
Why do they
use sterilized needles for lethal injections?
Why does
Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at
him?
Why did Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
Whose cruel
idea was it to put an "s" in the word "lisp"?
If people evolved from apes, why are
there still apes?
Why is it
that, no matter what color bubble bath you use, the bubbles are always white?
Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?
Why do
people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to
eat will have materialized?
Why do people
run over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down,
pick it up, examine it and then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?
Why is it
that no plastic bag will ever open from the first end you try?
How do those
dead bugs get into the enclosed light fixtures?
Why is it
that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you
always manage to knock something else over?
Why, in
winter, do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we
complained about the heat?
How come you
never hear father-in-law jokes?
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